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2007/05/31

Quote of the Day

Professor Farnsworth: Vergon VI was once filled with he super dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

-Futurama

Song of the Day: "I Saw a Little Girl, I stopped and Smiled at Her. She Screamed and Ran Away"



I saw somebody who reminded me of you
Before you got afraid
I wish that you could have stayed that way

I saw a little girl, I stopped and smiled at her
She screamed and ran away
It happens to me more and more these days

And these songs that you sing,
Do they mean anything to the people you're singing them to
People like you

I saw a photograph: a woman in a bath of hundred-dollar bills
If the cold doesn't kill her money will

I read a magazine, it said by seventeen your life is at an end
I'm dead and I'm perfectly content

And these songs that I sing,
Do they mean anything to the people I'm singing them to
People like you

hummmmm

And these songs that we sing,
Do they mean anything to the people we're singing them to
Tonight they do

What Is Wrong with Me?

I keep seeing ads for the Nancy Drew movie, and so help me it looks entertaining.

Bill's Razor

One of the most misused rules of logic is Occam's razor, which people often reduce to, "always accept the simplest explanation of a phenomenon." Waht William of Ockham actually said was, "Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem," or "Do not multiply entities unnecessarily." What he actually meant, in plain English, was that given two equally good explanations for something (an important caveat that's often overlooked), you should take the one that requires the fewest assumptions. If you have an explanation that relies solely on the facts in evidence, and one that needs you to assume the existence of a flying spaghetti monster, the first theory is most likely to be true.

2007/05/30

Quote of the Day


Linda: Have you ever been married?

Victor: I've never had the fortune to find a lady who was interested.

Linda: That could be the remark of a cynical man.

Victor: What have I to be cynical about? I make my contribution to this
mixed-up world. What else is there?

Linda: That could be the remark of a lonely man.

Victor: Could be.

-Mogambo

Song of the Day: Thus Spake Zarathustra, Jazz Style

Is it really so odd that I wish for a world where this is pop music?

2007/05/29

Song of the Day: "He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus"



You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain, I don’t know
Higher now than ever before, I
Know we can make it if we take it slow
Thats thinking easy, easy now, watch it go

We’re burning down the highway skyline on the
Back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain’t so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once and a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

(Talks like a gentleman, like you imagine)
When you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus

But more than you’ll ever know

Quote of the Day

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of folks who give me pains.
Or had I some poison gas,
I could make hte moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.
But I have no lethal weapon--
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell.

-Dorothy Parker
"Frustration"

2007/05/26

Just When You Thought There Was Nothing Else Media Could Make Women Insecure About

Here is incontrovertible proof of the superiority of Western Civilization: in Third World countries, genital mutilation is forced upon girls too young to give consent; in the West we convince women to elect for the procedure of their own free will.

"Some women brought along images to illustrate the desired appearance, usually from advertisements or pornography that may have been digitally altered,'' the British Medical Journal authors wrote. Risks include loss of sensitivity to the genitals, and the benefits are unclear, they wrote.


Wow, it almost makes me wish Andrea Dworkin was still alive.

Welcome to the Dream Factory

Apparently some geniuses at Warner Bros. have digitally enhanced Emma Watson's breasts on posters of Order of the Phoenix. This is obviously an attempt to remain faithful to the book, specifically Chapter Five of OotP (page 47, Scholastic hardcover) where Harry notices that Hermione's grown a whole cup size since the end of term. Oh, wait, there is no such scene.

I guess it's an attempt to appeal to that underserved portion of the audience -- childless men with no interest in big budget fantasy movies but who harbor fantasies for underaged British girls. It's nice to know that Hollywood's looking out for us--er, them. Look, a thestral!



Because, God knows, teenaged girls are self-confident enough that they can stand being told that their breasts aren't big enough.

2007/05/25

A New Way to Listen to Bolero

This is truly an age of technological miracles. Now we have iPod enabled sex toys that vibrate in time to the beat of the music. I always thought the Velvet Underground's "Heroin" was a romantic song, and now I know why.

Song of the Day: "Herzog > Everything; Everything > Peter Jackson"

In this case the video's a lot cooler than the song, but what the hey.

Quote of the Day

Cutter: You shoot pretty good when you're drunk.

Tully: Better drunk than sober.

-The Comancheros

2007/05/24

Song of the Day: Ankle Injuries

What's better than using legos to recreate mid-80s vector graphics? Doing it with dominoes.

2007/05/23

Quote of the Day

Professor Farnsworth: Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of Jesus.

-Futurama

Song of the Day: "I Guess It's Real Enough

I sometimes think the sucktastic state of modern music is due to the proliferation of antidepressants. Bright Eyes certainly wouldn't be as good if Connor Oberst were taking Prozac, that's for sure.

Bright Eyes-Easy/Lucky/Free

[via FoxyTunes / Bright Eyes]



Did it all get real, I guess it's real enough
They got refrigerators full of blood
Another century spent pointing guns
At anything that moves
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot
My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
I never really dreamed of heaven much
Until we put him in the ground

But it's all I'm doing now
Listening for patterns in the sound
Of an endless static sea
But once the satellite's deceased
It blows like garbage through the streets
Of the night sky to infinity

But don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky
Honey, don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

Don't be a criminal in this police state
You better shop and eat and procreate
You got vacation days then you might escape
To a condo on the coast

I set my watch to the atomic clock
I hear the crowd count down till the bomb gets dropped
I always figured there'd be time enough
I never let it get me down

But I can't help it now
Looking for faces in the clouds
I got some friends I barely see
But we're all planning to meet
We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
All together for eternity

But don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is no one as lucky
Honey, don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free
Or free, or free, or free
There's nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing...

They Screw Horses, Don't They?

I know filmmakers will do anything to get attention, but this gasts my flabber.

CANNES, France, May 21, 2007 (AFP) - A semi-documentary about a group of US men who had sex with horses has taken the title as the most shocking movie at the Cannes film festival.

But while "Zoo" has drawn big, curious crowds at its screenings, the real unsettling quality about the movie is its approach: it depicts the men in a sympathetic light, one that tries to push the viewers to understanding their sexual perversion.

The documentary -- in which actors recreate non-explicit scenes under audio interviews with some of the men involved -- centres on a true-life incident.

In July 2005, a 45-year-old man died of internal bleeding after being anally penetrated by an Arabian stallion during a bestiality weekend in the US state of Washington.


To paraphrase South Park:

Deviated Prevert: We are human. Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to animals. We were born that way. We can't help the way we are, and if you all can't understand that, well, then, I guess you'll just have to put us away.

Kyle: Dude. You have sex with animals.

Stan: Yeah. You know, we believe in equality for everybody, and tolerance, and all that gay stuff, but dude, fuck you.

Kyle: Seriously.


I really do believe in "all that gay stuff" -- as far as I'm concerned the government should have no role in licensing marriages, and if you can find a pastor who'll marry you to three women and two men, good on you. But that only goes for things that can consent -- animals and children are right out.

But that's not how these guys see it:

"They showed us the videos not to show us pornography, but to show an animal that wanted to be with them," Devor said, though he added that he kept some scepticism about the taped acts. "We don't know what the conditioning was (for the horses)."

[...]

They all say the horses were willing participants.


Yeah. The horse gave consent.

The best line of the article, is this:
"They've crafted a subdued, mysterious and intensely beautiful film that presents bestiality not for the purpose of titillation... but as a way of investigating the subjective nature of morality," the movie trade magazine Variety wrote.


There's a line between being open minded and just stupid. Whoever wrote the Variety review doesn't know where it is.

2007/05/22

Quote of the Day

"We've always thought you have hidden depths," said John.

"Ah, but you see I haven't. I am this shallow."

-Nick Hornby
About a Boy

Song of the Day: "We Drink to Die, We Drink Tonight"



If I was young, I'd flee this town
I'd bury my dreams underground
As did I, we drink to die, we drink tonight

Far from home, elephant gun
Let's take them down one by one
We'll lay it down, it's not been found, it's not around

Let the seasons begin - it rolls right on
Let the seasons begin - take the big king down

Let the seasons begin - it rolls right on
Let the seasons begin - take the big king down

And it rips through the silence of our camp at night
And it rips through the night

And it rips through the silence of our camp at night
And it rips through the silence, all that is left is all that I hide

2007/05/21

Song of the Day: "He Can't Be a Man 'Cause He Doesn't Smoke the Same Cigarettes as Me"

Can I confess to heresy? I don't like the Rolling Stones. I do not like them in a boat, I do not like them with a goat. I've listened to them, and the only songs that I've ever cared for are Paint it Black and Give Me Shelter. They just don't do anything for me.

I never understood what was so great about Satisfaction until I heard Cat Power's cover. I loved that she slowed it down until it was virtually a dirge and dropped the chorus completely -- I bet if you played her version to a hundred people, only one would recognize it. The version she plays here isn't the one from The Covers Record -- it's more uptempo, done in a slightly country-blues style, and she does give the chorus one whirl, but it's still great.



And as a bonus, here's another version of the song, as performed by the Dresden Dolls -- or the female half thereof. It's a bit ... different. Gotta love the chicken playing the tambourine.



Heh. Amanda Palmer is my Goddess.

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.

When I'm drivin' in my car
and that man comes on the radio
and he's tellin' me more and more
about some useless information
supposed to drive my imagination.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.

When I'm watchin' my TV
and a man comes on to tell me
how white my shirts can be.
Well he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
the same cigarettes as me.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no girl reaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.

When I'm ridin' round the world
and I'm doin' this and I'm signing that
and I'm tryin' to make some girl
who tells me baby better come back later next week
'cause you see I'm on losing streak.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no, I can't get no,
I can't get no satisfaction,
no satisfaction, no satisfaction, no satisfaction.

2007/05/20

Politics, Sans Bullshit

Who would've thought that the greatest innovation in politics since Hobbes penned Leviathan would come from Belgium? In response to candidates making promises they can't back up, the independent party NEE is offering 40,000 blow-jobs. Finally, politicians who are honest enough to admit that they're whores.

Of course, the party doesn't seem to've thought things through -- they aren't limiting the offer to voters; they aren't even limiting it to Belgians. They just want the media attention, so they'll send their ... goodwill ambassador, shall we say, around the world.

According to my planning this would take me 500 days to tour around the world, visiting all the ones who signed up for a blowjob on this page, giving 80 blowjobs per day.


There are, of course, restrictions on the offer:

Services will only be provided to those who meet the following requirements:

* applicants must be 18yrs old or above
* condoms must be used and provided and paid for by the user
* the user shall not engage in any other form of physical contact
* any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user will
result in immediate end of service
* Tania may deny service for hygiene reasons



It's anyone's guess how long it'll be before we see McCain and Clinton making similar offers.

Quote of the Day

In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

-The Third Man

Song of the Day: "It's Bad Enough We Get Along So Well"

I've had Imogen Heap's album Speak for Yourself for a couple months now, but it's only been the last few days that I've really begun to dig it. "Goodnight and Go" in particular has been in constant rotation on my iPod, to the point that I'll probably tire of it in the next few days, but for now I just love it.

Imogen Heap- Goodnight and Go

[via FoxyTunes / Imogen Heap]



Say goodnight and go

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks
I am struggling
Daydreaming, bedscenes in
The corner cafe
And then I'm left in bits
Recovering tectonic, trembling
You get me everytime

Why do you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home
You've got your headphones on
And your dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot
You're taking everything off
Watch the curtains, wide open
And you fall in the same routine
Flicking through the TV
Relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone

Oh why do you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days
You'll miss your train, and come stay with me
It's always say goodnight and go
We'll have drinks and talk about things
And any excuse to stay awake with you
You'd sleep here, I'd sleep there
But then the heating may be down again
At my convenience
We'd be good, we'd be great together
(Go)

Why do you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well

Say goodnight and go
(Why is it always, always)
Goodnight and go
(Darling, not again)
Goodnight and go

2007/05/19

Song of the Day: "Made of Plastic and Elastic, He is Rugged and Long Lasting"



Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
But I turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy
That is why I want a coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend....

Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that I destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy and I'll
Never let him go and I'll never be alone
Not with my coin operated boy.

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didnt think so but im still convinceable
Will you persist even after i bet you
A billion dollars that I'll never love you
Will you persist even after I kiss you
Goodbye for the last time
Will you keep on trying to prove it?
I'm dying to lose it.
I want it
I want you
I want a coin operated boy.

And if I had a star to wish on
For my life I cant imagine
Any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath

Coin operated boy
He may not be real experienced with girls
But I know he feels like a boy should feel
Isnt that the point that is why I want a
Coin operated boy
With his pretty coin operated voice
Saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why I want
A coin operated boy.

Quote of the Day

I am not in love, but I am open to persuasion.
-Joan Armatrading

2007/05/18

Song of the Day: "Tony Couldn't Fly; Tony Died"



Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Refrain:
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died / I miss 'em--they died

Repeat Refrain

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others,
And I salute you brother/ This song is for you my brother

Repeat Refrain

Herbie pushed Tony from the Boys' Club roof
Tony thought that his rage was just some goof
But Herbie sure gave Tony some bitchen proof
"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"
But Tony couldn't fly . . . Tony died

Repeat Refrain:

Brian got busted on a narco rap
He beat the rap by rattin' on some bikers
He said, hey, I know it's dangerous,
but it sure beats Riker's
But the next day he got offed
by the very same bikers

Quote of the Day

Frankly I do not see how well either the taxpayers' interests or my own would be served by my spending the next sixty or seventy years in a Vermont jail.

--Donna Tartt, /The Secret History/

2007/05/17

Song of the Day: "Speak No Feeling, No I Don't Believe You"

Vocoders are always cool.



Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.

Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.

Quote of the Day

David Huxley: Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments.

-Bringing up Baby

Woe and Sadness with Many Wailings and Flailings!

Word is that Lloyd Alexander, author of the Prydain Chronicles (The Book of Three, The Black Cauldron, etc.) is dead. His wife died two weeks ago -- they were married for 61 years. There don't appear to be any obituaries on Google yet, but the news comes from James Nicoll who's trustworthy.

The Prydain books may not be the greatest works of literature -- they completely mangle Welsh mythology (in the Mabinogion, Arawn isn't a villain, and Gwydion is a certified sex offender), and follow the Campbellian stencil that's become so familiar since Star Wars (though to be fair, Alexander penned the Prydain series before Lucas even started film school) -- but they kept me enthralled for a couple weekends when I was ten, and what higher aspiration could any writer have?

2007/05/16

Quote of the Day

Cheryl: You're going to want to take a whole bottle of this home with you. It's got quite a lot of ingredients in it, so you're getting a good deal.

-The Good Girl

Song of the Day: "12 Million Miles a Minute, and That's the Fastest Speed There Is"

Now here's a pretty picture: a galactic cluster some five billion lightyears away.



Which brings us to today's song, from Monty Python and the Meaning of Life.



Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

2007/05/15

Song of the Day: "We're Running out of Beer"

In memory of Jerry Falwell

Quote of the Day

This century we're going to learn a lesson about what it means to be unable to forget anything. And it's going to go on, and on. Barring a catastrophic universal collapse of human civilization — which I should note was widely predicted from August 1945 onward, and hasn't happened yet — we're going to be laying down memories in diamond that will outlast our bones, and our civilizations, and our languages. Sixty kilograms will handily sum up the total history of the human species, up to the year 2000. From then on ... we still don't need much storage, in bulk or mass terms. There's no reason not to massively replicate it and ensure that it survives into the deep future.

And with ubiquitous lifelogs, and the internet, and attempts at providing a unified interface to all interesting information — wikipedia, let's say — we're going to give future historians a chance to build an annotated, comprehensive history of the entire human race. Charting the relationships and interactions between everyone who's ever lived since the dawn of history — or at least, the dawn of the new kind of history that is about to be born this century.

-Charlie Stross

2007/05/14

Song of the Day: "Our Substance Will Expand as Part of Everything"



I’m pre-meditating crime of a personal kind
I’m about to go out of my mind
I’m just about sick to death of taking breath
And walking this line of mine
Now, folks that know what’s good for them
Are good at ignoring them
But I just can’t put these thoughts down
I’m harrowed and abused
And broken and pursued
By this notion that follows me around

My heart is hurting
My spirit’s burdened
I feel like a liar and a thief
For taking air
For being here
Unwanted
I look for my final release

Goodbye, goodbye, California
Goodbye and I’ll be moving on
I sang you my songs
I know i’m wrong
Fare thee well
And I’ll be moving on

When I’m dead and gone
My immortal home
Will hold me in its bosom
Safe and cold
No more desires
Will light their fires
Or disturb my immaculate calm
And the birds of the air
And the beasts of the soil
And the fishes of the desperate seas
Will know who I am
And our substance will expand
As part of everything

As part of everything, my God
As part of everything
And the clouds will roll
And the wind will blow
And the beautiful birds will sing

Goodbye, goodbye, California
Goodbye to your waving trees
To you succulent wind
And all my friends
Fare thee well
Goodbye
So be it
Amen
Amen

Quote of the Day

Our concept of privacy relies on the fact that it's hard to discover information about other people. Today, you've all got private lives that are not open to me. Even those of you with blogs, or even lifelogs. But we're already seeing some interesting tendencies in the area of attitudes to privacy on the internet among young people, under about 25; if they've grown up with the internet they have no expectation of being able to conceal information about themselves. They seem to work on the assumption that anything that is known about them will turn up on the net sooner or later, at which point it is trivially searchable.

-Charlie Stross

When Teachers are Morons

Some days I wonder whether I'm overly cynical. Maybe people aren't as idiotic as I think they are.

Then I read this:

Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.

The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.

"We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said.

But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged.

"The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them," said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip.


If this had been part of that Shannon Doherty TV show, Scare Tactics, it'd be in miserably bad taste, but at least that's what we expect from television producers. But teachers? College educated teachers? As though most children don't turn out bad enough, we have these maroons teaching them.

We are so freakin' doomed.

2007/05/13

Song of the Day: "Hell Ain't Half Full"



See it coming
At my head
I'm not running
I'm not scared

Big black monsoon
Take me with you

I'm not jerking
I won't hide
Yeah, I'm ready
Meet ze monsta tonight

Big black monsoon
Take me with you ... Ow!

What a monsta
What a night
What a lover
What a fight

Big black monsoon
Take me with you

Yeah it's coming
Out of this world
Yeah, I'm lucky
Lucky girl

Hell ain't half full
Take me with you

Big black monsoon
Take me with you

Quote of the Day

The personal, as everyone's so fucking fond of saying, is political. So fi some idiot politician, some power player, tries to execute policies that harm you or those you care about, take it personally. Get angry. The Machinery of Justice will not serve you here -- it is slow and cold, and it is theirs, hardware and soft-. Only the little people suffer at the hands of Justice; the creatures of power slide out from under with a wink and a grin. If you want justice, you will have to claw it from them.

--Richard K. Morgan
Altered Carbon

2007/05/12

Song of the Day: Brestir og Brak

Hey, remember back in the day when Bjork was in a jazz band doing Icelandic covers of American standards?

No. Well lucky for you, I do.

Quote of the Day

Dennis: I met you on Monday. Fell in love with you on Tuesday. Wednesday, I was unfaithful. Thursday we killed a guy together. How about that for a crazy week, Sue Ann?

-Pretty Poison

Riddle Me This, Batman

Why do I have a gold record by Kenny Rogers in my closet?

Seriously.

2007/05/11

Quote of the Day

I remember at Columbia University more than twenty years ago Stephen Cohen saying to me, "There's someone here who thinks Stalin only killed ten thousand people."

"No there isn't," I said confidently.

Steve took me over and said, "Jerry, how many people did Stalin kill?" "Ten thousand or so."

-Robert Conquest

Is Something Wrong With Earth's Gravitational Pull in the Future?

So apparently moving to Canuckia is a quick and easy way to lose weight. Damned reds with their socialized medicine and low gravity!

Song of the Day: "Something Went Wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong"

Why am I completely unsurprised that The Dresden Dolls are Rocky Horror fans?



Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still
But he told us where we stand
And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear
Claude Raines was the invisible man
Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace it came from outer space
And this is how the message ran:

Science Fiction - Double Feature
Dr. X will build a creature
See androids fighting Brad and Janet
Ann Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, picture show.

I knew Leo G. Carroll was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills
And I really got hot when I saw Janet Scott
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes
And passing them used lots of skills
But when worlds collide, said George Pal to his bride
I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills, like a:

Science Fiction - Double Feature
Dr. X will build a creature
See androids fighting Brad and Janet
Ann Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, picture show.
I wanna go, oh-oh, to the late night double feature picture show.
By RKO, oh-oh, at the late night double feature picture show.
In the back row at the late night double feature picture show.

2007/05/10

Song of the Day: Ven

Sir Edward Appleton once said, "I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand." I feel the same way about pop music. I really like Alejandra Guzman's song Ven, but I'm sure if I understood more than every third word I'd be just as crappy as the typical Dance Party USA pop crap.

Quote of the Day

It's not a small world, it's a small bourgeois clique.

-Deborah Chinn

2007/05/09

Song of the Day: "I Know the Score, I've Heard It All Before"



Here we go, I'm hanging out in Camden
Drink with my girlfriends on a Saturday night

This guy says, "come and meet my girlfriend"
She's sitting in the corner looking rather uptight

So I say "hello" and I try to be nice
But I see he's feeling itchy
Trying to play us off each other,
"Girls, girls, please don't fight" (you get the picture)

Hey you, the muscles and the long hair
Telling me that women are superior to men
Most guys just don't appreciate this
You just convincing me you're better than them

So he talks for hours about his sensitive soul
And his favorite subject is sex
I don't think he even wanted it
But, Christ this guy's too much (I wanna tell him)

I'm as human as the next girl,
I like a bit of flattery
But I don't need your practiced lines, your school of charm mentality so
Save your breath for someone else and credit me with something more
When it comes to men like you,
I know the score,
I've heard it all before

(Here comes the next one)
Blondie was with me for a summer
He flirted like a maniac but I wouldn't bite
I'm weak and he was so persistent
He only had to have me 'cause I put up a fight

Oh God, the boy had such an ego
He liked to talk about himself all day and all night
You think you're such a ladykiller
But you were nothing special 'till you turned out the light

When he's nice to me he's just nice to himself
And he's watching his reflection
I'm a five foot mirror for adoring himself
Here's seven years bad luck (I wanna tell him)

When you say you love me you're just flattering your vanity
But I don't need your practiced lines your, your school of charm mentality so
Save your breath for someone else and credit me with something more
When it comes to men like you,
I know the score,
I've heard it all before

Ooh, you're such a ladykiller, always on a winner, thinking that you're in there
Oh boy, you're such a ladykiller, super sexy mister, call it what you will, oh
You think you're such a lady killer, I just bet you're still there, posing in the mirror
Hey girls, he's such a ladykiller, but we know where he's coming from and we know the score.

Quote of the Day

Zapp Brannigan: If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

-Futurama

2007/05/07

Song of the Day: "The Air Outside Will Make Our Cells Divide at an Alarming Rate"

I miss the days when every rock band had at least one song in the repertoire about nuclear armageddon. But you know, I always was a strange little bird.



I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water,
And pictures of you and i'm not coming out
Until this is all over
And i'm looking through the glass where the light bends
At the cracks
And i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending
The echoes belong to someone
Someone i used to know

And we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet,
But all the news reports recommended that
I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make our cells
Divide at an alarming rate until our shells
Simply cannot hold all our insides in,
And that's when we'll explode
(and it won't be a pretty sight)

And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...
And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
Ba ba ba...

And we'll become
And we'll become

Quote of the Day

The most effective step that you can take to help protect yourself from malicious hyperlinks is not to click them. Rather, type the URL of your intended destination in the address bar yourself.

-Microsoft

2007/05/06

Song of the Day: "It Was Not Pretty, But She Was (Not Your Wife)"

Wow, Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley doing a song called "Rise up with Fists!!" produced by Conner Oberst of Bright Eyes, with a video featuring Sarah Silverman. This is going to rock so hard! The extra exclamation point in the title proves it.



Or maybe not.

What are you changing?
Who do you think you're changing?
You can't change things, we're all stuck in our ways
It's like trying to clean the ocean
What do you think you can drain it?
Well it was poison and dry long before you came

But you can wake up younger under the knife
And you can wake up sounder if you get analyzed
And I better wake up
There but for the grace of God, go I.

It's hard to believe your prophets
When they're asking you to change things
But with their suspect lives we look the other way
Are you really that pure, Sir?
Thought I saw you in Vegas
It was not pretty, but she was
(Not your wife).

But she will wake up wealthy
And you will wake up 45
And she will wake up with babies
There but for the grace of God, go I.

What am I fighting for?
The cops are at the front door
I can't escape that way, the windows are in flames
And what's that on your ankle?
You say they're not coming for you
But house arrest is really just the same.

Like when you wake up behind the bar
Trying to remember where you are
Having crushed all the pretty things
There but for the grace of God, go I.

But I still believe
And I will rise up with fists
And I will take what's mine mine mine
There but for the grace of God, go I
There but for the grace of God, go I
There but for the grace of God, go I
There but for the grace of God, go I.

Quote of the Day

You can be fugly and a nice guy and get laid, or you can be gorgeous and an asshole and get laid. If you're both you're Ron Jeremy and, well, there ya go.
-Brandy Alexandre

2007/05/05

Song of the Day: "You Didn't Wake up this Morning Because You Didn't Go to Bed"

The weird thing about moving is all the stuff you find under the bed, in book bags that have been collecting dust in the closet, old folders in your desk. Like the wind-up sperm Marcia Boyette gave me for Christmas in 12th Grade. The photocopy of Bull in a China Shop which my high school drama club performed in 11th grade. Printouts of emails from 1998 -- about three computers ago, so the electronic copies are resting in the great bit-bucket in the sky. Really bad short stories written by my former classmates in a college creative writing class.



Well... you didn't wake up this morning,
'cause you didn't go to bed.
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red.
The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off.

You've been reading some old letters.
You smile and think how much you've changed.
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days.

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes.
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
This is the day your life will surely change.
This is the day when things fall into place.

You could've done anything, if you'd wanted.
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like -- GLUE

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes,
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
This is the day your life will surely change.
This is the day when things fall into place.

This is the day your life will surely change.

2007/05/04

Quote of the Day

Fie on the ontological constraints of the space-time continuum — I was not there because I was here.

-Jonah Goldberg

Song of the Day: "We Gotta Get Out of this Place, If It's the Last Thing We Ever Do"



In this dirty old part of the city
Where the sun refused to shine
People tell me there ain't no use in tryin'

Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know

Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away
Oh yes I know it

He's been workin' so hard, yeah
I've been workin' too, baby, yeah
Every night and day, yeah

We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you

Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true, yeah
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know it

Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey, yeah
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away
I know he's been workin' so hard

I've been workin' too, baby, yeah
Every day baby, yeah
Wow, yeah...

We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Somewhere baby, somehow I know it

We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you

Believe me baby, I know it baby
You know it too

Quote of the Day

Captain Murphy: It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.
-Sealab 2021

2007/05/03

Song of the Day: "He Was a Carpenter by Trade"



It began when they come took me from my home
And put me in Death Row,
Of which I am nearly wholly innocent, you know.
And I'll say it again
I..am..not..afraid..to..die.

I began to warm and chill
To objects and their fields,
A ragged cup, a twisted mop
The face of Jesus in my soup
Those sinister dinner deals
The meal trolley's wicked wheels
A hooked bone rising from my food
All things either good or ungood.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

Interpret signs and catalogue
A blackened tooth, a scarlet fog.
The walls are bad. Black. Bottom kind.
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath gathering at my hind

I hear stories from the chamber
How Christ was born into a manger
And like some ragged stranger
Died upon the cross
And might I say it seems so fitting in its way
He was a carpenter by trade
Or at least that's what I'm told

Like my good hand I
tatooed E.V.I.L. across it's brother's fist
That filthy five! They did nothing to challenge or resist.

In Heaven His throne is made of gold
The ark of his Testament is stowed
A throne from which I'm told
All history does unfold.
Down here it's made of wood and wire
And my body is on fire
And God is never far away.

Into the mercy seat I climb
My head is shaved, my head is wired
And like the moth that tries
To enter the bright eye
So I go shuffling out of life
Just to hide in death awhile
And anyway I never lied.

My kill-hand is called E.V.I.L.
Wears a wedding band that's G.O.O.D.
`Tis a long-suffering shackle
Collaring all that rebel blood.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is burning
And I think my head is glowing
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this weighing up of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is glowing
And I think my head is smoking
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this looks of disbelief.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway there was no proof
Nor a motive why.

And the mercy seat is smoking
And I think my head is melting
And in a way I'm helping
To be done with all this twisted of the truth.
A lie for a lie
And a truth for a truth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is melting
And I think my blood is boiling
And in a way I'm spoiling
All the fun with all this truth and consequence.
An eye for an eye
And a truth for a truth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
A life for a life
And a truth for a truth
And anyway there was no proof
But I'm not afraid to tell a lie.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a truth for a truth
And anyway I told the truth
But I'm afraid I told a lie.

Mitt Romney Must Be Stopped

After hearing this, I cannot in good conscience vote for Mitt Romney (not that I was going to any how, but this gives me a reason):

When asked his favorite novel in an interview shown yesterday on the Fox News Channel, Mitt Romney pointed to “Battlefield Earth,” a novel by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology.


Now, I'll admit that Battlefield Earth was a cool book ... when I first read it at the age of twelve. But it's exactly the sort of extruded skiffy product that ignorant people imagine when they think of science fiction. The technical details are so horrendous that even belittling them hurts the brain -- thousand year old Harrier jets that have been sitting abandoned on airbases, but can be made operational in a few weeks -- ow, my brain just tried to squeeze out of my ear.

At least the Romster could've picked something by his fellow mormon Orson Scott Card.

2007/05/02

Song of the Day: "Midnight on the Bowery"

There've been several Celt Punk bands -- the Pogues, the Tossers, even, ponderously, the Spanish Mago de Oz -- but my favorite is Black 47. Not content to simply fuse Irish folk music with punk, they throw reggae, rap, metal, and jazz into the mix. They also have a knack for vividly capturing urban scenes of low-lifes, drunks, and tramps, such as here in "40 Shades of Blue".



Oh, it's midnight on the Bowery
And your feet are soakin' wet,
And you've drank your last brass farthin',
You'd sell your soul for a cigarette.
And the sounds from CBGB's are comforting to you.
Then you think of the green fields of Ireland
And you feel forty shades of blue.

Now you're back on the drink since September
And your head feels like a sieve,
And you know that you're goin' from bad to worse
But you just don't give a shit
And the hymns from the Sally Army
Sound heavenly and true,
Then you think of your friends and your family
And you feel forty shades of blue.

Well you've got a great future behind you
And you're goin' nowhere fast,
Just up and down the Bowery,
From Canal street to pld St. Mark's.
And you wonder what she's up to now,
Did she really find somebody new?
Ah, how the hell could she just walk out like that
When you're forty shades of Blue?

And you wonder, How'd it come to this,
Was it always in the cards?
'Cause working is for idiots
And you love the smell of bars.
And the letters that you sent back home
Were full of all the things you'd done
But they don't say you're down there on Bleecker Street
With your hand out on the bum.

Now the dawn's comin' up on the Bowery
And you're heartsick and soakin' wet,
With your tongue hangin' out for some Irish Rose
You'd sell your soul for a cigarette.
And someday I'm gonna give up this drinkin'
And maybe someday, I'll win the lottery, too.
Then I'll go back home to old Wexford town,
And paint her forty shades of blue.

Quote of the Day

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

-P.J. O'Rourke

You Can't Stop the Signal

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

2007/05/01

Quote of the Day

Then there's the "wild and crazy" tattooed Suicide Girl. Yeah, "wild and crazy." Dreadful, 8th grade stripper poetry is gonna smash the system girls. You're so punk rock it's scary!

--Kim Morgan

Song of the Day: "When Exactly Do You Mean?"

I've never really understood America's fascination with blondes -- give me a dark haired Slav or crimson haired Celt over a golden haired Nord any day -- but I have to say, there's something strangely alluring about the blonde girl in The Smith's "How Soon Is Now" video.



I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does