Thundercats vs Silverhawks

An old article I dug up from my days on the college newspaper:

Cartoon Network, which is the coolest channel for drunken college students to watch while pretending they're still ten years old, has recently started showing Silverhawks. For those of you reading this who were too young to enjoy the great cartoons of the '80's, the Silverhawks were a group of cyborg space cops in the Limbo Galaxy who fought the evil Monstar. The show was produced by the same people who brought us the Thundercats - oh, wait, if you don't remember the Silverhawks, you probably don't remember the Thundercats, you cultural philistine! Okay, the Thundercats were a group of space refugees fleeing to Third Earth, where they fought the evil Mumm-ra. As you can tell, the two shows are completely different.

But, as I was rewatching some old Silverhawks episodes this last week (Man, this is what college is all about!), I noticed how much cooler the Silverhawks are, even though they never quite achieved the popularity of the Thundercats. Let's break it down:

Quick Silver vs. Lion-o - This is no contest. Both were leaders of their groups, but Lion-o was a wimp who couldn't find his Sword of Omens if you shoved it through his puny little chest. Quick Silver came up with plans. Quick Silver could actually win fights without someone coming to his aid. Quick Silver wupped ass.

Blue Grass vs. Panthro - The technical geniuses of both teams are well matched in terms of intelligence, but Panthro has to win for two reasons. (A) He came up with the Thundercat vehicles on his own, while Blue Grass was a glorified mechanic, and (B) Panthro didn't have a guitar-laser he used to play country music, unlike a certain mohawked cyber-redneck.

Iron Heart & Steel Will vs. Tygra and Cheetara - The male/female pairs of both teams. Now, I know a lot of boys had crushes on Cheetara, the leotard clad babe of the Thundercats, but let's face it, Tygra was wuss. In the Silverhawks, both of the male/female pair had the ability to kick mucho butt. But, there's an added twist: Iron Heart and Steel Will are brother and sister, making the duo (and anyone who's watched the show should agree with this) incestuous. Five points right there for subverting the minds of America's youth.

Copper Kid vs. Wily Kat and Wily Kit - The annoying children in the Silverhawks and Thundercats. The Copper Kid has the added annoyance of being from the planet of the freaking Mimes, but there are two Thunderkittens, and no single character in the history of cartoons can be as annoying as Wily Kat and Wily Kit.

Stargazer vs. Jaga - Both Quick Silver and Lion-o had a mentor/boss character. Stargazer was the head of law enforcement for the Limbo Galaxy, and thus told the Silverhawks what to do, and not much else. Now, it wouldn't take much for the Thundercats to top him, but they don't. Why? Because their mentor character was a glowing blue ghost. Yes, that's right, the Thundercats relied upon an Obi-wan rip-off to help them through trouble. Dude, that is not cool!

Monstar vs. Mumm-ra - Admittedly these two could be long lost twins, but I have to give Monstar a slight edge in coolness. When Mumm-ra transforms, he goes from a decrepit mummy, to a strong mummy, while Monstar changes from an ugly psycho guy, to a psychotic cyborg. I mean, who's cooler, a mummy or a cyborg?

The Evil Henchmen of Monstar vs. the Mutants - Any cartoon of the '80's stands on how good the villains are. Now, no show ever quite matched Megatron and Starscream (Woo-hoo!) from the Transformers, or even Cobra Commander (Yeah!) on G.I. Joe, but they still had to try if they wanted to be cool. Now, the problem with the mutants on Thundercats was that they were the biggest set of bumbling idiots outside of a Pink Panther movie. But Monstar's henchmen, while bumbling, at least had brains. The only reason the mutants were ever a threat to the Thundercats was that they took orders from Mumm-ra. But Monstar's henchmen actually thought for themselves, and were able to pose credible threats to the Silverhawks on their own.

So as you can see, the Silverhawks are far superior to the Thundercats. On almost every point, the Silverhawks prove better. If you don't believe me, let me just add this: The Silverhawks had no Snarf character.