The Crusader of Clean in the Adventure of the Underage Girls

Say what you will about Mormons, they sure do give us some salacious news stories.

A Utah retailer of family-friendly tapes and DVDs - Hollywood films with the "dirty parts" cut out of them - has been arrested for trading sex with two 14-year-old girls.

Orem police say Flix Club owner Daniel Dean Thompson, 31, and Issac Lifferth, 24, were booked into the Utah County jail on charges of sexual abuse and unlawful sexual activity with a 14-year-old.

CBS Station KUTV in Salt Lake City reports that the shocking discovery came when a mother found a $20 bill in her daughter’s room last week and questioned her about where the money came from.

The girl confessed that she and a friend had been paid for sexual favors by an older male.

Lifferth was additionally charged with patronizing a prostitute and was also in possession of a prescription drug medication without a prescription.

Thompson's Flix Club was one of several Utah-based video outlets that traded in edited versions of R- and PG-13-rated films, catering to clientele who wanted to watch hit movies without nudity, sex, language or graphic violence.

Such video editing operations came under the gun of Hollywood studios and the Directors Guild of America.

In a case brought by the DGA, a federal judge ruled in 2006 that editing out material (such as Kate Winslet's bare breasts in "Titanic") violated copyright laws. The decision was against a Utah company called Clean Flicks.

Thompson, who was a franchise operator for Clean Flicks, opened Flix Club last year, similarly trading in edited videos but claiming that such editing was for "educational use."

Yeah, he cares about education so much it hurts -- or at least it will soon, in the ass.

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Barack vs Bad-Back Jack

Caroline "My Greatest Accomplishment Was Half of Me Getting Squirted out of My Daddy's Cock" Kennedy is endorsing Barack Obama.

OVER the years, I’ve been deeply moved by the people who’ve told me they wished they could feel inspired and hopeful about America the way people did when my father was president. This sense is even more profound today. That is why I am supporting a presidential candidate in the Democratic primaries, Barack Obama.

Obama is like JFK? How? Obama's father isn't a mobbed-up bootlegger who did business with the Nazis, and is now buying his son an election. His hair isn't shellacked in place. There aren't any slutty actresses even half as classy as Marilyn Monroe around, so who's he going to screw? Lindsay Lohan? Britney Spears? I don't think so. I'm not aware that he has a brother with political ambition, and even if he did Congress outlawed Presidential nepotism after Kennedy. If she's suggesting that he's going to screw up early foreign policy challenges, thus encouraging our enemies to take advantage of him until he has no choice but to play a game of nuclear brinkmanship, I'd hope she wouldn't be endorsing him. I certainly hope Ms. Kennedy isn't suggesting that Michelle Obama will marry Richard Branson or Rupert Murdoch after her husband is assassinated by a left-wing kook. So what exactly does Ms. Kennedy mean, except, "Everybody loved my daddy, so you should listen to what I think."

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The Worst Movies You've Never Seen

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Freak on a Leash

Don't you love it when people insist on displaying their sexual fetishes in public?

Given that she describes herself as a human pet – and is happy to walk around on a lead – Tasha Maltby is used to odd looks and even odder remarks.

But nothing had prepared her for the reaction of the bus driver who allegedly told the self-styled Goth and her boyfriend: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."

Miss Maltby and her fiance Dani Graves were so angered they have complained to the bus company of being "victimised".

The music technology student had this defence of her lifestyle.

"I am a pet, I generally act animal like and I lead a really easy life," she said.

"I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."

The bus driver, however, has obviously not been listening.

He has repeatedly refused to allow Mr Graves, 25, and his "pet" on to his bus in Dewsbury, West Yorkshire.

Last month, with Miss Maltby on a leash as usual, the couple tried to board a bus at the bus station.

The driver, who was off duty, was standing near the door.

Mr Graves alleged: "He shoved me off the bus. He called us freaks and he called Tasha a dog.

"He said, 'We don't let freaks and dogs like you on'.

"He basically grabbed my T-shirt and slammed me backwards.

"I got a bit angry and called him a fascist pig."

In a separate incident, police were called when the driver, who has not been named, refused to allow other passengers on board after the couple ignored his orders and sat down.

The couple, who live on benefits in a council house and plan to start a family, have been friends for years.

They started going out together in July and became engaged in November.

Paul Adcock, of bus company Arriva Yorkshire, said: "We take any allegations of discrimination seriously.

"Mr Graves has already contacted us directly and as soon as our investigation has concluded we will inform him of the outcome."

Now people like this deserve to be mocked, but denying them access to public transportation is a bit much. As long as she doesn't piddle on the seat, it's no big deal -- and if she does, then she's a bad girl who deserves to be spanked good and hard ....


Wait, what was I saying?

Still, I think this story has a very important take-home lesson -- even the ugliest unemployed dork with a horrible sense of style can get a really hot chick to sleep with him.

Now playing: John C. Dvorak - CrankyGeeks 100: iTunes and Internet Incs
via FoxyTunes

Now playing: John C. Dvorak - CrankyGeeks 100: iTunes and Internet Incs
via FoxyTunes

Smoke of the Divine Wind on the August Water

For some reason, I want to hear these guys do the James Bond theme.

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Britney Spears Strikes Again


Gibberish in Neutral has learned that Britney Spears struck a deal with the Devil last week to stave off her imminent death from overdose. To effect this, Spears had to agree to let one young, more talented star die for every week she lives past her expiration date. This is why Brad Renfro died last week, and why Heath Ledger died today. (Sadly, though Ms. Spears is infinitesimally talented, Paris Hilton and everyone associated with American Idol is less so.) We at Gibberish in Neutral call upon Britney to rescind her pact and embrace the healing power of Jebus, before more young celebrities die and ruin Terry Gilliam movies.

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I Like Tin Butts and I Cannot Lie

One thing I've learned from Battlestar Galactica and the new Terminator series is that fembots are teh hawt. And if you don't like their personality, you can just reprogram them -- perfect. If God truly loved mankind, he would've done it this way from the start

But given all the possibilities, which model would I select -- a nice pneumatic Six?

Nice, but not really my taste. Perhaps a bot with a little meat on her bones:

Nah, their exhaust ports are too big. Besides, the Crushinator is too high class. Maybe a nice Taminator.


Now we're getting close, but she's a bit too lean. Let's take a look at the D'anna Biers model.

Ah, that's more like it. Meaty but without being too thick. She'd make a nice pair with one of those exotic Boomers:

She's pretty nice too. It's a tough call. And then there's a nice replicant twofer:

Now the Rachel model is exactly to my taste, and I'm betting the Pris cleans up well -- just remove the gunk around the eyes. I think I'll take the pair of them, the D'anna, two Boomers, and a Taminator. Then we can make lots of these:

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Now playing: Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros - All In A Day
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Holy Vingean Terminators, Batman!

Okay, I'm now a confirmed fan of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: John Connor just started talking about the Singularity. I believe this is the first time Vernor Vinge has ever made it on prime-time television.

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Airplane vs. Conveyor Belt

This promises to be the best Mythbusters ever:

My prediction -- the airplane is thrusting against the air, and will therefore move forward regardless of the conveyor belt moving the other way -- essentially the landing gear will spin twice as fast for the same thrust.

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The AFI Top 10 Top 10 Lists List

I've never been a big fan of AFI's endless Top 100 lists that just trot out the usual suspects, but even by their standards this is a pretty crappy list. The top 10 films for 10 genres? And what genres -- "Courtroom Dramas"? Why not just fold that into drama? Sci Fi and Fantasy get separate categories, but there's no horror? They're truly scraping the bottom of the barrel for their lists, and should probably retire the whole thing -- if they want to continue their television specials, why not focus on great actors and directors -- give us a one hour special on Alfred Hitchcock or Cary Grant! Oh, wait, those don't appeal to their demographics.

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Criswell Predicts

You know, I really wish I lived in a world where Criswell's predictions were correct.

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Former Child Star Dead -- Not Britney Spears

Whoever had him in the Dead Pool must be psychic:

Brad Renfro, the former one-to-watch whose acting work was often overshadowed by reports of drug abuse and legal troubles, was found dead Tuesday morning at his Los Angeles home. He was 25.

The Los Angeles County Coroner's Office said that paramedics pronounced him dead at 9:00 a.m. after friends he had spent the previous evening with called 911. Cause of death has not yet been determined and an autopsy could take place as early as Wednesday.

Coroner's Office chief investigator Craig Harvey said that Renfro had been drinking alcohol last night but it's too soon to tell whether that was a factor.

Renfro made his big-screen debut opposite Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon in the adaptation of the John Grisham bestseller The Client when he was 12. He worked steadily over the years but never quite recaptured the buzz that surrounded him as a child star as reports of his struggles with substance abuse outweighed all other publicity.

An L.A. Police Department spokesman said there was no suspicion of foul play, but declined to say whether drugs or related paraphernalia were found in the actor's home.

Renfro's more recent behavior, however, suggested that the Knoxville, Tennessee, native was working hard to get his life back on track.

About a month after agreeing to enter a drug-diversion program in March 2006 in order to avoid jail time on an attempted heroin-possession rap, he told reporters that he had 30 days of hard-won sobriety and was "tired of paying the consequences" for his destructive behavior.

The last film he did, inappropriately enough, an adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' The Informers.

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